Ask the Bastards #7: Cons, X-Men and Crappy Shows We Love Anyway, So Shut Up

Hello, kids. Welcome to another thoroughly inappropriate installment of Ask the Bastards, the weekly feature where you, the readers, get to ask us, the writers of Nerd Bastards, any damn thing you want. This week we’re talking comic conventions, Wolverine (again), Marvel NOW! and bad TV shows that we love anyway.

And by the way, we’ve been doing this for a while now, so if you’re curious about the questions we’ve answered before, you can find the Ask the Bastards Archives here, here and here.

Got a question for Ask the Bastards? Be sure to Like Us on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter. We put out the call for questions every week, so wait for your moment.

Retrospective power of veto: what abomination in the world of film/TV/comics would you go back and prevent from being made? – MacDara

X-Men Origins: Wolverine because it had a complete lack of respect for the origin stories, it wrecked Deadpool, was quite awful, and despite all that still made a fair amount of money. – Jason Tabrys

A fine choice, but I’ve got two of my own. One is Repo Men. My love of Repo: The Genetic Opera is so deep that when I saw the first trailer for Repo Men, I dry heaved. I know we talk a lot of Hollywood’s lack of creativity, but never has the art of “narrative borrowing” been so explicit for a studio effort. How Repo Men got a major studio commitment and a 2,500 screen opening weekend, while Repo languished on four screens based on the “could care less” whim of Lionsgate is truly astonishing. Runner up is Halloween: The Curse of Michael Meyers, the final film in the series before Kevin Williamsons’ Halloween H20 reboot in 1998. It involves cults, conspiracies, genetic experiments and a ton of story elements that have no place in a Halloween movie. Even a young Paul Rudd as the grown-up Tommy Doyle (the kid Laurie babysits in the first film) can’t save this turd. Also, Donald Pleasence chews the scenery in this, his final performance. – Adam A. Donaldson

Micheal Bay’s Transformers movies come to mind. I hate these movies for their content, or lack there of, and for what that says about the industry. Blow shit up. Tell bad jokes. Make a billion dollars. *shakes head* The days of plot, character development, and meaningful dialogue are all but gone, and that is sad. – Luke Gallagher

I’d probably go with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I should have known better than to be excited about a fourth Indy flick. That original trilogy (even Temple of Doom) is so perfect that by the end of the fourth film I was just confused and sad, moreso even than I was with the Star Wars prequels (at least the last installment of that wasn’t as bad as the middle one). - Matthew Jackson

All stories have their place, even the ugly ones. Though if I really could, I would shoot James Cameron to prevent Avatar from being made. That piece of shit was just too much awful in one package. – Jason McAnelly

The latest attempt at a Conan movie with Jason Momoa. I experienced emotional and physical pain (Banging my head on the seat in front of me) watching that movie. It was such a let down. – Mark Poynter

The Avengers, because we cannot have nice things. Just kidding, don’t hit. Honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every time someone makes a Daredevil or Catwoman or (ugh) Ghost Rider that turns out so abysmally bad, I’d like to think it spurs another film maker to make one better. Would we have Dredd 3d if we didn’t suffer through Sly’s Judge Dredd? – Jeremy R! Hudson

What do you guys think of #MarvelNOW? If you like it, which titles are you most excited for? – Jay

I don’t like it, but I’m still excited about Mark Waid’s Indestructible Hulk because it’s being written by Mark Waid and that means it will be good and it might be great. - Jason Tabrys

I’m not going to lie, Marvel is shit. I’m a fan of the Silver Age, so I hate most of Marvel’s changes now anyway. -Nick Bungay

A lot of the Marvel Now titles sound tired to me, but the Thor: God of Thunder book, which will tell stories about the character across a 1,000 year span sounds like it has potential. – Adam A. Donaldson

I have to admit that I’m still a bit confused about why it’s happening at all. It’s a relaunch but not a reboot, it’s a DC move in a Marvel body. It has all the makings of a stunt with none of the risk. That being said, I am excited about some of the talent. I want to read Waid’s take on Hulk. I want to read Brian Posehn and Gerry Duggan’s Deadpool book. I want to read Matt Fraction’s Fantastic Four and Rick Remender’s Uncanny Avengers and Kelly Sue DeConnick’s Avengers Assemble. I’m excited for the potential of some of these titles, but I’d be just as excited for them if they weren’t packaged in some weird relaunch-not-a-relaunch promotional frame. Just give me good comics and stop with the posturing. - Matthew Jackson

My only big complaint is the senseless costume changes, other than that I am cautiously optimistic. Basically take everything I said about DC’s New 52 and swap the titles for Marvel’s. Changes will happen. Retcons will occur. Some good come out of it, and a whole lot of bad will be forgotten about. Waid’s Hulk and Posehn’s Deadpool top my list as well. - Jeremy R! Hudson

Wolverine or Deadpool? – Justin

Deadpool, but I think Marvel keeps messing him up. Honestly, there hasn’t been a Deadpool book that I have been thrilled with since the old Cable/Deadpool days. – Jason Tabrys

Deadpool is a genuinely great character that is pretty unique in terms of the humor and breaking of the fourth wall that goes on in his books. However, my loyalty goes to Wolverine. He’s got far more gravitas. Dark, harsh, mysterious, and you’re always on edge waiting for him to rage. There’s many interesting stories compared to some characters. In his 25 year existence, there’s been copious amounts of brutal violence, haunting and emotional effectiveness. – Luke Gallagher.

I love them both, so I have to take the easy way out. If I’m making a late night run to Taco Bell that might include a ninja attack, I’m going with Deadpool. If I need to drink with someone, I’m going with Wolverine (though Wolverine can’t stay drunk long, I’m sure he’d try his damnedest). – Matthew Jackson

While Deadpool has a better sense of humor and would probably be more fun to hang out with, Wolvering would definitely be better in bed. Wait… what were you asking? – Jason McAnelly

Why the hell should I have to choose between the two? I would put them both together and produce an HBO remake of Bosom Buddies. – Mark Poynter

Batman – Jeremy R! Hudson

Should writers be biting the hands that feed them (Liefield, Rucka)? – B.J.

The phrase “bite the hand that feeds them” implies that these guys won’t still get fed, and that isn’t so. Many writers and artists have done quite well in the shadow of Marvel and DC’s love and I’m sure Rucka and Liefeld will do fine. With that said, hell yes they should and I admire their integrity. If these guys and other creators feel like they aren’t getting a fair shake or they don’t agree with a publisher’s creative vision or their behavior then they should certainly stand up. – Jason Tabrys

Jason’s right. Liefeld’s had this weird nebulous existence outside of comic book authority for two decades now, and he’s doing just fine in spite of being one of the most polarizing figures in the industry. Likewise, Rucka’s a powerful novelist, and he’s got great creator-owned potential. Some writers are perfectly comfortable inside the Big Two system, and that’s great, especially with the ones that can produce great work within that system. Some writers are comfortable walking the line, and that’s great too. But some just get frustrated with it, and they have to walk their own walk. Comics needs people willing to defy the established structure. That’s what gave us Image Comics. That’s what gave us Cerebus. That’s what’s going to keep the industry vibrant. - Matthew Jackson

This one is kinda personal to me, being a writer myself. Honestly, I could go on for hours about the problems inherent in the system, but I will try to reduce it to a few concise sentences. Basically, the comic book industry is built on the backs and creative minds of the writers as well as the talents of the artists. Were it not for these creative minds, comic books would still be relegated to the realm of child’s entertainment. If the industry “Big 2″ (i.e.: Marvel and DC) have come to a point where they consider their talent disposable, it’s time to bite the shit out of those hands. Personally, I refuse to buy Marvel or DC products anymore because I don’t want to support what has essentially become a money-making machine. When the artists again have control of the product, I will reconsider. So to answer your question, yes. Writers and artists should choose integrity over comfort and those that don’t should not be given the respect due a proper artist. - Jason McAnelly

Wait . . . writers get paid? LUUUKKKEEEE!!!!!!!! (Insert echo effect) – Mark Poynter

Would you like to see a DC universe where Superman is a villain? – Steven

It’s actually a pretty awesome thought, but have you never heard of Superboy-Prime, later known in DC continuity as Superman-Prime? The poor bastard’s mind becomes so warped that his course in life at one point was to kill Superman and replace him as Earth’s greatest hero. In trying to do so he not only smashed the barrier of reality, changing multiple DC universes in the process, but becomes -Spoiler Alert!- the Time Trapper of Geoff Johns’ Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds storyline. Good read, I suggest it highly Steven. -Nick Bungay

I’m not sure I’d like a whole universe that way, but the idea has been explored to great effect before. Nick’s suggestion is solid, as is Mark Millar’s Superman: Red Son, which explores the idea of Superman being picked up by the Russians instead of the Americans. He’s certainly got the makings of a megalomaniac. One of the most compelling elements of Superman is that he has all that power but he chooses to uses it for good, so seeing him turn it in the other direction is always interesting. I’m just not sure it could stay interesting for very long. - Matthew Jackson

Why don’t you get a table at Dragon*Con next year, or plan a meetup? I would love to meet you guys and say thank you. – Kat

Awe, you’re sweet! I think a table at Dragon*Con would be a little much, and I know I often have more to do than the four days allow as it is so I wouldn’t want to be manning – or wo-manning – a table. But a meetup, that’s something I could get behind. Especially since we could plan a meetup at a place serving alcohol, y’know, to really embrace the drunken, debaucherous spirit of Dragon*Con. I think I speak for myself and fellow Nerd Bastard and Dragon*Con attendee, Mark, when I say, “We’re down.” Now if only we could convince a few more of these bastards to join us. Only 340 days to go! (Psst, badges are already on sale.) -Sarah Moran

I would love to go to Dragon*Con. Not just for the joy of meeting fans like yourself, but for the fact that I’ve never been before. 100 nerd demerits, I know. But I’m a broke nerd from a desolate part of Canada. I don’t get out much. Imma try to go next year though. -Nick Bungay

One of the perils of our business is that our colleagues are literally spread out across the continent. I would love a Bastards meet-up, at Dragon*Con or any con for that matter, but maybe not a table. Perhaps Nerd Bastards can host some kind of after party. A super exclusive soiree that’s invite only during one night of the con. Naturally, you Kat are already on the list. If you’d like to sponsor the Nerd Bastards After Party, please get in tough with our boss Luke Gallagher at nerdbastards.com. (I’m kind of joking, but if you’d seriously like to sponsor this, we’re amenable.) – Adam A. Donaldson

Sarah and Adam stole my thunder. They pretty much said everything I was going to say. Uh… I’ve thought about setting up a booth/table for marketing and fan interaction purposes. Sadly, as fun as having a booth would be, it’s not practical, nor affordable enough to make a reality. Booths/tables are expensive. Without something to hawk and sell to give us a return on the investment, we’re just not able to make such a commitment. Plus, we’re a blog. We’re caught up in the hustle and bustle of panels, interviews and floor happenings in which to report back on. Now that I think about it, though, maybe we could work in junction with a comic book/ collectible retailer that are setting up shop for the con weekend. We could even sponsor an artist, or other creatives. Both would give us an excuse to slap our name on something (the marketing whores that we are). During down times we could hang out at the booth for fan meet-and-greets, and on-site podcasts. So, yeah, that’s an option. I’ll look into it. Thanks for inspiring me. In the mean time, however, bar meet ups are a great idea. We’ll explore this for future cons. Stay tuned. btw, thanks for the nerd love! – Luke Gallagher

I talked about doing one this year, but once I got to the Con there was just so much to do and see that trying to get the word out was just too much. We’ll get our shit straight for next year though and find a place at the Con to take over for a couple of hours of debauchery. Maybe we could team up with another group like Luke was saying . . . maybe Cosplay Deviants . . . I could get behind that idea. – Mark Poynter

What…is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? – Ken

What do you mean? African or European swallow? – Matthew Jackson

Dammit, Matthew! I was going to go for the quick and dirty, quote the movie answer. Instead, I’ve researched what the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow – and by researched I mean Googled – and came up with this rather scientific sounding answer: the airspeed velocity of an unladen European swallow is roughly 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour. No word of the African swallow due to kinematic data for both species of African swallows being hard to come by. And since we’re being scientific, I’ll show my work – and by my work I mean someone else’s diligent work – found here at style.org. – Sarah Moran

Not enough to carry a coconut, damn you. - Jason McAnelly

I never got past the question about my favorite color. – Mark Poynter

First music format purchase, was it an LP, Cassette, CD, MP3 or Digital Download and what album/song was it? – Mike

Cassette and it was either Green Day’s “Dookie” or the Presidents of the United States’ eponymous album. – Jason Tabrys

CD and it was Foo Fighters’ 1995 self-titled debut album. To this day, it is still one of my top ten all-time favorite records. I could listen to it all month and not get bored. -Nick Bungay

Cassette. And it was, of all things, the Ghostbusters II soundtrack. I’ve still got it too. – Adam A. Donaldson

First format purchase was CD. I think it was Metallica’s Black Album. It was a secret purchase too. I was 12 at the time and my parents wouldn’t buy it for me. Too mature and loud for my sweet prince ears. I bought it off an older kid and listened to it at night, under heavy blankets- Luke Gallagher

Oh, this is going to be frustrating, because I’m not actually certain that I remember. The closest guess I have is a cassette of the Top Gun soundtrack, which I wore the hell out. - Matthew Jackson

Cassette baby – yeah, I’m old. I think it was a Def Leppard tape or some rubbish like that. I was about 12 years old, so I assume it’s time to forgive and forget. – Jason McAnelly

First purchase – Record, Shaft soundtrack (You know he’s a bad Muther . . .) This is still talked about every now and then by my mother. Apparently it scandalized my grandmother (She still let me buy it) who had taken me shopping when I was around 8 years old. – Mark Poynter

You guys pumped for the WoW expansion or is the game done in your opinion? – Bob

I’m always pumped for more Wow! Oh, you mean World of Warcraft. Never mind. – Adam A. Donaldson

I think WoW is done, there are just so many other options now — how can they compete? They apparently think the answer is kung fu Pandas, but I’m not so sure. – Jason Tabrys

For the comic book readers among you, what was your favorite X-Men (or other X-Title) story arc? – Alex

Messiah Complex, mostly for the story but also because it set up the second volume of Cable. That book, by Duane Swierczynski, is among my all-time favorites. It only lasts 25 issues and it got a little sloppy at the end, but for me that and Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men run are as close to perfection as Marvel has come with the X-Men property in the last 10 years. - Jason Tabrys

I maintain an unreasonable and powerful fascination with the Claremont era, because the modern landscape of X-Men comics simply wouldn’t look even remotely the same without him. Yes, his stories are overwrought, wordy and sometimes downright nuts (even for comics), but he did something amazing in nearly two decades of following the same team. I love Matt Fraction’s entire run on the X-books, but my favorite story of all time is still The Dark Phoenix Saga from the Claremont era, simply because I love how big it got, and how dangerous. What’s happened with it since might be a little much, but that changed the X-books forever, and it was just so ambitious that it can’t be overlooked. It’s a cliche, but it’s what’s always stood out for me. Though if I had to hand you something to read right away, I’d hand you Fraction’s Second Coming-era work, Whedon’s Gifted or Warren Ellis’ Ghost Box. - Matthew Jackson

Being a devotee of the Claremont years, I would have to vote for either The Dark Phoenix Saga or Inferno. Admittedly, I haven’t read much of the newer stuff so I can’t say for sure, but those two arcs were beautiful, dark and sad. It’s hard to compare to such amazing writing as Claremont’s. He is the best. I love him. I want to have his babies. – Jason McAnelly

Ditto on The Dark Phoenix. Crying over a damn comic book, special times. – Mark Poynter

Clearly Claremont, the definitive X-writer. I will always love the all to brief Australian Era for the team. Can we get a mohawked leather clad Storm back in MarvelNOW! please? – Jeremy R! Hudson

When do you think this incarnation of Doctor Who will be “over”? – Meg

I think Mr. Smith will gracefully exit at the end of 2013. No one will ever have the longevity that Baker did and the show is too much of a juggernaut now to accommodate more of a sputtered schedule than it already has, meaning it would be somewhat difficult for Smith to pursue the other opportunities that he seemingly craves while still serving as the Doctor. – Jason Tabrys

I agree with Jason, it seems likely Matt Smith will leave the role after the 50th anniversary sometime during the show’s eighth series. But, what I find an even more interesting query is for how long will Doctor Who run? It’s already proven its staying power what with lasting for 26 years, then being on hiatus for 16 years during which there was the mediocre TV movie, and coming back with great success and popularity in 2005. For a TV show to last as long as Who has is one mind-boggling achievement, especially for a science fiction show as weird as Who is! Could the current iteration of the show last as long as the first? We can hope. Only 19 more years to go to match its original run! And even as I type that, it does sound unrealistic, doesn’t it? -Sarah Moran

I would agree that Smith is probably on the short side of his run at this point, but what’s more intriguing to me is how long Steven Moffat will stay on this ship. He seems more than happy to run this show and keep others going (Sherlock) at the same time. He’s prolific, energetic and seemingly bursting with ideas. At some point his concepts might run off the rails, but they’re nowhere near there for me. I’d say Smith’s got another year or two left, but I long to see what Moffat does with another Doctor, particularly a female Doctor. - Matthew Jackson

Matt Smith is still in full swing. I give him another season after this one. Then, someone will buckle, whether it be Smith wanting to do other things or the production crew wanting to move on to someone new. Part of the appeal of The Doctor is that you get to see new people put on the face and do their own interpretation. Fans will demand it eventually. *To Sarah: It’s not unrealistic! A pox on thee! Doctor Who will live forever! - Jason McAnelly

To Sarah: Who has a built in advantage because they can so easily shift gears, change Doctors and creative voices. With that said, 19 years is a long time, and one never knows where people’s tastes will go, but right now the show seems to be untouchable.

To Matthew: I’m also curious to see how long Moffat sticks with it, but I wonder who will take over when he inevitably leaves. My guess/hope is that Toby Whitehouse or Mark Gattiss would take the reigns, though in a perfect world Davies’ would give it another go. Also, I’ll step into the controversy bear trap and say that I don’t want a female Doctor — it isn’t about a woman in that kind of role, it’s about the tradition with that character. – Jason Tabrys

What are your favorite yet terrible short-lived sci-fi shows? For me, MANIMAL & AUTOMAN come to mind. – Jeff

Time Trax! Syndicated lovely from the early 90s with Dale Midkiff (Pet Cemetery) playing a detective from the future who has to come to our time in an effort to round up a bunch of criminals that have time traveled to us. It’s sort of a reverse-Demolition Man (which is not a sexual position) and he has a hologram sidekick, so it sort of feels like a Quantum Leap rip-off. With Looper coming out, it seems like an odd sort of spiritual cousin, so if you can find it I highly advise that you give it a watch because it is premier 90s cheese. – Jason Tabrys

I’ve got a couple. First was seaQuest DSV, a series that had some pretty good ideas that were kind of taken to waste in execution with too much focus on the Wesley Crusher-ish Jonathan Brandis and the talking dolphin. But for more abstract there’s a UPN series called Deadly Games, a pre-Matrix tale of video game villains escaping their cyberspace domain into the real world and the nerdy programmer that needs to stop them with the help of his buddy and ex-girlfriend. Christopher Lloyd played the big boss, Sebastian Jackal. It wasn’t great, but it had awesome cameos by LeVar Burton, Dwight Schultz, Brent Spiner, Anthony Michael Hall and Mark Pellegrino as some of the escaped villains. – Adam A. Donaldson

Oh, Adam just reminded me how much I loved SeaQuest as a kid. But, if I’m being honest, the ones that I loved the most that didn’t actually have that many episodes were cartoons that were actually made before I was born. I really dig stuff like Centurions, The Herculoids and the Godzilla animated series (mostly because I liked the idea of pressing a button and summoning a sea monster). I’ve also got a love of Carnivale, which was definitely not terrible, but certainly far too short-lived. - Matthew Jackson

Far far FAR too many to mention, I could go on for hours and pages on the topic. Don’t worry, I won’t. I just wanted to pop in and share in the seaQuest DSV love-in a little. Hell, I even enjoyed the third season when show took the strange turn. Roy Scheider left the show, they said f#ck it to science and exploration and decided to start blowing s#!t up with Michael Ironside as the new captain. - Jeremy R! Hudson

Will you be attending NYCC? – Lawrence

Sadly, I will not be attending NYCC this year. I will however be going to Hal-Con, Atlantic Canada’s largest sci-fi, fantasy and comic convention from October 26th to 28th. If any fellow Canadians or Americans see a guy wearing a Nerd Bastards tee rocking a sweet P.O.W block tattoo that’ll be me. Come over and say hi, I’ll gladly shake your hand and sign a couple of t-shirts. -Nick Bungay

Of course. I’ll be there covering the floor, scoring interviews for Nerd Bastards and The Bastardcast, and delivering unto you all the news from comics, film, TV, toys, and video games that I can possibly cover on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (not Sunday, that’s Kids Day, and they are evil). I’ll also have a dedicated cosplay photographer with me, so you know you’re goona get to see all the best shots here on Nerd Bastards.

On Saturday I’ll be joined by Luke Gallagher, so hopefully one of us will be able to get into the Evil Dead panel, the Walking Dead panel, and the Firefly panel.

We’re going to expend maximal effort to provide a high level of awesome for you during New York Comic Con. By the way, if you want to come over to me and say hi, I will run as far away as my pudgy little legs will carry me. Stranger Danger!!! – Jason Tabrys

No. It’s too damn far away. – Jason McAnelly

September 24, 2012 | Categories: Ask the Bastards | Tags: ask the bastards, comics, cosplay, deadpool, dragon*con, featured, film, nycc, tech, TV, videogames, Wolverine, wtf? | Leave A Comment »